i drank all the beer at your wedding
by vixenali
Summary: Sam's thoughts at The Penny, end of 4.02


**Author's Note: Ben and his interviews and twitter sessions really get me thinking about this goddamn show. I am on both of their sides, maybe understand Andy's more, but when writing, I lean towards Sam's side and I like to explore it. I do not own any of the characters or Ben's/Sam's thoughts.**

She gave him a slight smile, "Okay," knowing Sam would not be able to push her away for eternity. Right now Andy was all about confidence and showing it to him in a way that would make consider things. She was growing up and was sure that he needed to grow as well.

Sam knew he should've said something more definite-less gray area-but with Andy, everything is more complicated. Even three worded sentences and pointed stares. He secretly loves the complications, but in this moment in time-them breaking up and her leaving for six months-he wants as simple as can be. He can't even remember the last time things were simple. Right now, Marlo was the definition of simple. He didn't feel the itch to protect her on the job and liked to keep their conversations rooted in current events. With Andy coming back, she took back the hold on the deepest parts of him that he didn't feel like facing.

As she got out of his truck, he wanted to stop her. To tell her he loves her and isn't going anywhere. That he's never stopped loving her. That he will never stop loving her ever. That he just needs more time in the land of simple. He's terrified of his feelings for her and how much she makes him feel and experience life the way it's meant to be lived.

Instead, he just collects his thoughts, takes a deep breath and locks his truck and walks into _The Penny._ First thing he saw was her lighting up the bar with her face nearly brighter than Noelle's aura of newly engaged happiness and that top that made him remember late nights of him dragging her drunk self up to her apartment and undressing her. (He can't believe that bastard Frank actually went through with it especially after two failed marriages. Marriage wasn't on Sam Swarek's mind at all.)

Sam knew Marlo was going to be showing up soon. (They never drove together to _The Penny_, or much anywhere else. He didn't care though. That truck held the essence of one Andy McNally. It always will. He still had her Prince _The Hits 1_ and _2 _CDs and a tube of her lip gloss hidden in one of the compartments.)

Ordering two lite beers (ha, who is this guy? barely registering in his mind the switch of drink choices), he walked over to an open table, not far from Andy and Oliver. Another thing that was new. No more sitting at the bar counter. Too many memories of a certain beautiful brunette wrapping her slender arms around his shoulders.

He didn't even notice Marlo walk in the place until she came over to him and kissed him. (that's the other thing, he doesn't have that sixth sense the way he does Andy) He was polite, but didn't really respond to her-he kept that fraction of a distance and was surprised she never picked up on it. (Andy's essence still infected every part of his being and kissing her was always like taking each other's breath away. His mind flitted to her being back now, she's not going to leave him-he'll make sure of that.)

The entire time Noelle was talking about lonely nights and now having someone to take her socks off, he was reminded of Andy when she fell asleep after work on his couch and how he had to remove her socks and tried to pry the remote from her hand when she would wake up grabbing his arm and pulling him down next to her, curling into him and hold him hostage on the couch with her.

It's why he turned to watch her. A part of him was imagining her speech in front of their friends after he proposed to her. He always thought he would remain a bachelor, never settling down (could be that he never loved a woman until she pushed him down in that alley). Today, in this moment, that seed was planted in his mind that maybe one day he would give up his lonely nights for good. Andy would definitely be the only woman he could imagine himself with-being the only woman he's ever loved.

He forgives her, but is too stubborn to ever admit it and then there's Marlo of course. Him hurting her in the process made his insides uncomfortable. Right now, Sam was living in comfort plain and simple. Question is: how long can he keep this facade up? (his biggest fear is being discovered)

_Think it's ironic that Andy said to Oliver that she think she lost her chance? Sam is wondering the same thing. They're on the same page and they don't even realize it yet._


End file.
